It’s hard to pinpoint any one reason, but regardless, it is increasingly difficult for Muslims to find suitable life partners. Finding your spouse online has its own challenges and triumphs. For starters, many marriage apps do not vet those who sign up. It can feel like dancing in jelly at this masquerade ball, where the identities of those in attendance are unknown. If you have successfully navigated those hoops and have made a connection with someone who has potential, a new realm of superpower is needed to know if you’re being ghosted or if it’s too soon to text back. Muslim “agony aunties” increasingly narrate these problems with rhetoric that is not dissimilar to those we used to read in gossip columns in our favourite teen magazine. Far, far removed from any nuggets of wisdom from the faith, no real resolutions offered, and a hoard of disillusioned singles in the wake. Coffee for one? It’s beginning to sound like a “you” problem.

Rather sadly, many local community groups have surrendered their powers, simply stating that they do not get involved with facilitating marriage, or alternatively, they did at one stage, but someone’s aggrieved uncle has filed a lawsuit, and in the current cost of living crisis, money is best spent on electricity, not on attorneys. So we ask ourselves, “What would the prophet Muhammad ﷺ do?” In the enlightening book I’m currently reading about the Prophet ﷺ, I’ve been encouraged by how the Prophet advocated for his people’s spiritual well-being when delivering Dawah. He ﷺ held a genuine care for the spiritual advancement of all people, embodying mercy and kindness.
Personal agendas were not at the forefront of his mind. Such selflessness is a thing of beauty and is oftentimes overlooked. In the hustle and bustle of this world, where competitive survival is the order of the day, sincere care for the community should be sought wherever possible. In Islam, it is stated numerous times that what you want for yourself, you want for your fellow Muslim. What does this look like when it comes to marriage? The Prophet ﷺ himself said in Bukhari, “A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts support each other.” The Prophet ﷺ then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced while saying that. Community networks are a huge positive.
Vetting individuals is something that we do in recruitment all the time, and yet this is something made harder by online matchmaking? App providers and online agencies should take more responsibility for this. Will it raise the expectations of acceptable online behaviour and general etiquette? Resoundingly yes.
The nonchalant, carefree attitude held by some would be kept in check, and many more unnecessary conversations would be avoided. What’s more, the Prophet ﷺ said, “God does not look at your bodies, appearance, or wealth.” Rather, He looks at your hearts and deeds’. Interestingly it’s the unseen that has the most prevalence with God. Not, any of the material or superficial attributes that we as a society sometimes place on a pedestal. Digging deeper into the Sunnah, we find the importance of looking out for each other. The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘The believers, in their mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy, are just like one body.” “When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” Life is an undulating path of celebrations and challenges, not the least of which is finding a life partner; so it goes without saying that assisting others along the way is a sure-fire way to God. So let’s spread a little love, look up into the sky, and ask the question, “How can I help?” a bit more. Undoubtedly, all things lie in the hands of Allah. Certainly, it’s not all doom and gloom. Allah says, “Be, and it is.”