I never had any intention of being “The Blonde Muslimah” or coming out publically for this role. I was a new revert who was struggling and alone. I felt alienated because no one could understand me. For one, my family couldn’t relate and wasn’t on the same path. And at the same time, born Muslims couldn’t relate or identify with me either. I felt like no one understood what I was going through. And as a result, I took to the Internet as a way to try to make friends and feel a sense of identity and belonging.

I lived in fear of the judgment and criticism of others which created a dynamic and complex identity issue on a personal and social level. I was craving Muslim friends, yet I was too afraid to post about being Muslim or loving Islam because of the bullying I received from my family. So, what happened was I ended up making two separate Instagram accounts. I had my “normal” one for the people I knew my whole life, then had the “Muslim” one to make new friends. This separation of my identity really caused further emotional issues because I couldn’t ever figure out which version of myself, I was supposed to be and it became exhausting trying to please everyone. I finally made the decision just to take the plunge and solidify my identity in a quest for radical authenticity and self-acceptance.

I made a few girlfriends online and we talked about our journeys and the familial/cultural/social issues that we were going through as a result of being new reverts to Islam in the West. As we started approaching what was my 2^nd Ramadan, I realized that there were some girls who were newer to Islam than me, so I made a video for them on how to hide their prayers (salah) and their fasting so that their families wouldn’t notice that they’re practicing Islam. It was an eye opener because I realized that so many girls are out their hiding who they really are, just to maintain that love and respect from their friends, families, and social circles, and it led me to where I am now. I just started making videos about my love for Islam and giving pointers for reverted young girls and women so they could navigate the same things in a better way than I did. As someone who went through these things myself, I had made it my mission to get information out so that I could help these young women and girls who found themselves in the same place as I was once in.

The name The Blonde Muslim was something that my non-Muslim best friend suggested as she saw that I was straddling the fence between being “regular Candace” and “Muslim Candace,” and she suggested that I just take the next step and put it out for everyone to see. I had to really take the initiative to stop hiding who I was, and I’m forever grateful that by opening up about who I am, my struggles, and my journey, that I am able to impact, benefit, and be of help to all the beautiful people who are looking for help and desperately want that sense of belonging and community.
What I liked about using the word “blonde” and the word “Muslim” is that there’s a juxtaposition in the fact that we don’t normally associate the word “blonde” with someone who is “Muslim.” However, it’s only a misconception because the word “Muslim” is all inclusive- racially, culturally, gender, class, country and background. I also like it because it causes people who have been misinformed about Islam to kind of do a double take and think about what it means. I’m doing what I can to show that Islam is for everyone. No one group owns it more than another, it is for EVERYONE!